Two Peas in a Pod

a mother, a daughter,
& Attention Deficit Disorder

~~~~~~~~~
There was a little girl,
who had a little curl,
right in the middle of her forehead,
when she was good,
she is very very good,
when she was bad, she was horrid!
~~~~~~~~

Do you know what it's like
for someone with ADHD?

Click here
to experience it for yourself!

Hello,

I am the mother of two children, they are both very bright, clever, and talented. They both have a great sense of humor. I am proud to be their mother.

My son is grown, and living on his own. He'll be glad to know this page is not about him. This page is about the struggle my daughter, and I are having learning to live with ADHD.

I have been treated several times over the years for depression, and have wondered on many occasions if this really was the correct diagnosis. It has been difficult to put a finger on. Then, in trying to help my now 17 year old daughter, I read Driven to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell M.D. It was like he had been in my house taking notes! It explained so many things that I had been through.

I feel now, like I have a second chance at life. I have always felt that I was different. A nice person, but confused, incapable of completing projects. Knowing I needed to do something, but somehow not being able to get started. ADHD is not an excuse, it is an explanation. We need to learn how to get along in this world. Some things are harder for us.

School had been a nightmare! I couldn't wait to get out. I managed to squeeze though, and pass most of my classes. I was smart enough, just couldn't quite get with the program.

I have had an interesting life, job to job, husband to husband, house to house! Much to my Father's dismay, I even spent a summer bumming around the country with a carnival! There are a lot of great memories, but also a tremendous amount of pain.

When I started to see some of the same problems affecting my daughter, I knew I had to do something.

Thus the quest began.......

Seems like every doctor, and every counselor, has a different insight/opinion. I have felt in my gut, for years, that she was ADHD. The more I read about this condition, the more sure I am. I've asked the school many times to please test her, but it never happened. I kept hearing " Can't be ADD, she's too smart."

ADD/ADHD has nothing to do with how intelligent a person may or may not be! That is one of the many myths. ADD is about how your brain is wired. About not being able to filter out things going on around you, creating a world of confusion. About not being able to relax, because you just can't shut down your brain. It is about many things,but it is not about intelligence.

Due to my own insecurities, I just went along with them, "They're the experts, who do I think I am?" I should have gone with my instincts. (If you don't get the response you think you deserve go up the ladder! I sometimes get carried away in typical adhd form and skip a few rungs!)

Now I know, that if had I put this request in writing it would not have been ignored . It is very important that you know your rights when it comes to dealing with your school district! All the information you need is on the Internet, and one thing about those of us with ADHD is we are a helpful lot. Just ask, some one will try to point you in the right direction!

The reason I created this web site is to find a way to advocate for my daughter, and to somehow help the County that I'm in make their resources more readily available. Everyone I call tell's me that help is out there. It seems, however, like everyone we call gives us advice on who we should have called. She's not eligible under their program because....... yada, yada. The frustration has been incredible, which only seems to further fog up my brain. (gee-just look at the name I use! I've always been this way!)

It is very difficult for me to be organized and stay on track. Consistency is important to ADHD children(and adults) and I tend to forget that I told her she couldn't use the phone till she finished her chores! It's not that I don't want to, just that I get so wrapped up in what I'm trying to accomplish (usually 10 things at a time), that I forget.

I feel sorry for my darling husband, dealing with two females, one on each end of the female development spectrum, on top of everything else! I don't know how I'd get through this without him!

I love my daughter very much, there are good times. She can be a pure joy to be with. Some of my favorite moments with her are spent in the car on longer trips. I seems that when it's just the two of us, with no pressure to do anything, we can have the most wonderful conversations.

Even just picking up her room seems to be total torture for her. We used to have a game we played, where she would come to me, and I would roll a set of dice. Whatever number came up, she had to match in things put away. It seemed to break the job down to manageable bites for her, and avoided some arguments. But here we are at age 17, and she still fights me about having to pick up her room. It's really hard for me to keep things tidy, and to see her coming along the same way is exasperating!

She also has had some legal troubles, and two expulsions from school. I believe with all my heart, that had we found help (that is just now becoming available to us) years ago, we would have had a different life. That was yesterday, I'm looking to tomorrow.

If you are dealing with an ADHD child, don't give up. You have a tough, but not impossible job. You deal with a lot of negativity from many directions! Support is an important part of getting along in this world of ADHD. Join one of the message boards , or e-mail lists that you come across. And hey, do something nice for yourself!.

Peace,

Scatter

Thank you to ADDmirable Women for this award! If you are a woman with ADD, you're gonna love this site. They also have a very active, and helpful mailing list and message board.